It is raining today. I love the rain. It dampens the sounds and senses. It slows the beat of the heart. It frees the mind to think clearly and rationally.
But it does not rain every day. I often have flashbacks that elicit gasps about acting regretfully or moments of unimaginable trauma. When these moments occur I have been taught to center myself. I take several deep breaths. I attune to the smells and sounds and sights in the moment and my essence in the now and not of the bygone.
Photography has been there for me since the day in 2009 that my beloved daughter Victoria passed away. That day returns to me again and again. With a camera in my hand, everything melts away.
I am at a crossroads with my photography and this is something I need to address. What do I want to express from my images, and what do I have to do to get there? This essential question was taught to me by Lucia Matthews who counseled me after Victoria’s passing. It makes me think in simple terms. I return to this question again and again. Lucia is gone from my life now, but teaching me this simple tool has made an indelible imprint on my life.
Following Lucia’s direction, I have been listening to photography centric podcasts in my car instead of the drivel of bad news emanating from the world. The state of the human race is giving me great anxiety, and with each day I am taking small steps to quell the madness.
Today I learned from Ted Vieira on Photography Matters that I should not fret about the digital or film dilemma. By the way, listening to Ted for me is good and bad. His voice is so soothing and he just loves black and white photography. That is good beyond words. Ted drags out the end of his words to a syrupy melt of coolness. The bad side is knowing I will never ever out-cool Ted Vieira! I learned from Ted it is the result that matters, not the medium. I learned from Nick Carver’s interview on the Large Format Photography Podcast that I am not alone in having insecurities about myself and the quality of my work. I learned from Arturo Soto on the Frames photography podcast that beauty and meaning can be found in the ordinary. I learned from Wesley Verhoeve on The Contact Sheet podcast that even when one feels uninspired as I have, the most important thing is to keep acting and making. These kindred souls give comfort and, hopefully, will lead me to meaningful growth not only as a photographer, but as a person.
With that, a few shots my day of rain.
